The White Knight

“The opposite of pride is not humility as being humble often contains a measure of pride. The opposite of pride is actually gratitude”!   Mary New

Mary shared this to a group of friends recently.  I think there is a lot of truth in this statement.  We often think being humble or meek is admirable, yet there is often a thread of pride that is woven in to our humility.  Pride is incredibly insidious.  It is often completely unrecognizable to us.  We think we are acting under the motivation of doing a good thing- but is the good thing REALLY our motivation?

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The servant heart is especially prone to this.  You may feel like the “white knight” coming in for the rescue when you serve others- however…. 

Do you ever consider what would happen if you did nothing?  Would they really perish?  Maybe it would actually do them some good to remain in a state of want.   

Do you they really need what you have to offer or are you simply enabling and feeding your ego?

Here are a couple of checks to see if the white knight drug is mixed in:

Measure the Sacrifice:  Are you putting aside things that are truly important to you in order to serve?  Are you neglecting your spouse, you family or friends to accomplish this “good thing”?  Be objective about this.  You may need to get advice from a friend on this as you may not be able to see it.  Your family, spouse, and close friends should come first, right?  If you are choosing to serve in front of these, you are likely receiving a good strong dose.

The End Game:  Where are you going with this?  What is your ultimate goal?  Before you make the investment (even properly measured as discussed above), you need to consider what the final outcome looks like.  This may seem elementary, yet the servant heart will look past this important step and charge into situations and really muck it up.  Why would you do this?  Again, you are likely taking another hit from the pride pipe.

Check for Fanfare:  Are you flying under the radar or are you acting in a very noticeable way.  If you truly want to serve you will do it without notice.  The best gift is an anonymous gift.  If you need your name on it, you are likely looking to get something back.  Another puff on the pipe.

Is Good Enough:  If you are taking things to the extreme, then it’s likely that you are doing it for yourself.  Do what you can with what you have and move on.  Yes, we should do things with excellence, yet, there is a limit to this.  If it has to be picture perfect you are probably looking for another fix.

It’s My Religion:  Playing the God card can really cloud your thinking.  Often a good work in a religious setting can be a great disguise for a personal motivation based on pride.  History is full of crazy acts that did little to honor God.  So who do you think got the glory?   

Check Out:  Are you able to leave project?  There is always a time to end it.  Are you able to do it?  It’s OK to fail or move on.  It’s very rare that leaving will cause catastrophic damage.  We can actually fool ourselves into thinking that they will die and be helpless without us.  Crazy isn’t it?  This is almost always not the case.  They will find others to help them.  You are not the only person in the entire world.  If you are convinced that only you can do it, it’s likely another surge in the veins.

I am not absent of these tendencies.  I am a perfectionist and I have a servant’s heart so this is as much a manifesto to me.  However, I am learning to recognize when pride begins to appear.  Pride isn’t necessarily a bad thing- in measure.  We should be proud of our accomplishments.  The key is recognition and staying objective. 

What is my actual motivating factor? 

Why am I doing this? 

These are important questions to ask you.  Don’t get frozen in analysis but go into situations with your eyes wide open.  Like you tell your kids- Just say no to the white knight!

What do you think?  Am I off base on this?  Am I just being heartless?  Click on comments and tell me what you think!   

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About Joe Passkiewicz

Joe Passkiewicz is Vice President of LandSouth Construction and Lead Contributor of Leading By Serving, Leadership is for Everyone.

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