The Office Whisperer

We’ve seen the horse whisperer and the pet whisperer. What about the office whisperer?

The horse whisperer has a way to talk to a horse and connect with them. Reassure them. Calm them down.

The pet whisperer has the skills to find out how a pet is stressed. Find out the things that are causing problems. Trying to make things better. Provide a better quality of life.

AFRICA 2009 - WESTERN PROVINCE 174

Africa 2009- Sunset on the Zambezi River

The office whisperer has other intentions. They often want to discuss people. They want to gossip! Not to improve. Not to help you. Not to make things better. To put themselves forward.

Scheming. Controlling. Divide and conquer.

There is nothing that is good that comes out of a whisperer. Nothing.

There is a reason they are whispering. They don’t want others to hear what they have to say or more importantly- what they are doing. The message is generally caustic. You don’t make a positive comment in a whisper. Think about this. Really. It’s like acid. It burns!

The purpose for whispering is about power. Period. You can comment below if you disagree. I wish you would!

Closed door meetings are fine and needed. There is a time in management when you need to close the door and discuss issues with staff. But how often do you find yourself whispering? I think that when you whisper you are really showing your cards. You are posturing. You are manipulating. You are trying to gather folks for your position. You are whispering to make your point. Why do you it? Why do you whisper? Please- really thing about this!

When I close my door it’s primarily to avoid the noise. Yes, I have to discuss things in private with folks occasionally. And that’s OK. But when I close the door, I don’t feel like I need to whisper. When you whisper you are delivering a secret. A special, often strategic message. Don’t bite on this. When the level goes low- think! Why do I feel like I need to whisper? Why can’t I talk in a normal tone? Who does this benefit? There is usually a reason for the whisper. Adults generally get rid of this when they leave the playground. Right?

Remember what your Mom told you- if you can’t say something good about someone then don’t say it at all! There is a time to discuss performance and management issues in a closed door setting but this should not need to be a daily event.

It’s really good advice from your Mom. Don’t whisper. Listen to your Mom!

So what do you think?  Do you know someone who regularly lowers their voice.  Do you agree with the me that whispering is a sign of a problem?  Click on “leave a comment” and tell me what you think!

Entertainment Expense

While vacationing recently in Costa Rica, Kathy and I had the pleasure of staying at a beautiful B&B in the central valley near San Jose.  The innkeeper was a remarkable elderly widower who was strong in her faith and equally strong in her wisdom on life. Each morning Kathy and I would enjoy our conversations about life, love and living out our faith in a way that was honoring to the Lord. 

78

One morning during our stay, our host commented about the incredible damaging power of the tongue.  She shared that she had been convicted lately about talking about others in a negative way and she shared about the damage that comes along with this kind of conversation.  I completely agreed with her.  Gossip and talking about others behind their back is a very easy thing to do.  I shared that I thought that talking about others can actually be a kind of entertainment- the act of talking about others and their problems can actually be fun for some and a source of enjoyment. 

My comments actually knocked her back a bit.  She commented on how my characterization of “entertainment” was especially painful to her as it seemed to hit the mark.  She pondered the description and we revisited this topic a few times during our stay as a result of my description of damaging talk and gossip- entertainment.

So what do you think?  Do you know some folks that seem to enjoy gossiping and talking negatively about others?  What can you do when you are confronted with someone who wants to rope you in?  Here are some ideas:

Respond With The Positive!  If they are focusing on merely the negative- then respond in a way that would honor the person.  Regardless of the discussion, there are always positive aspects to the story.  Bring up the good and stay out of the mud.  You will see that most gossips just won’t get any enjoyment out of the positive.  By focusing on the negative they are really lifting themselves up.  Be a person who builds up- not a person that tears down.

Confront Them!  If they are speaking out in a way that is damaging for no constructive purpose then call them out.  There are folks that really don’t realize they are being negative or damaging- they are so used to gossiping they really don’t see what they are doing.  Help them to see that speaking out has power and can be extremely damaging. 

Walk Away!  If you have friends engaged in damaging conversation and you feel uncomfortable about the discussion, then have the courage to leave.  Even by sitting in silence- you are participating.  If you are not comfortable with confronting the issues or if you are not familiar with the situation, the best choice may be to leave the conversation.  You will not regret walking away- you will regret being included if the cruelty spreads.

Think Before You Talk!  I am convinced that some peoples mouths just run faster than their heads.  Take a minute to really consider what you are about to say.  Thinking about something is far different than speaking it- and that expands even further when it’s to a group of people.  If you have to say “don’t repeat this but…” you probably need to think about it a little more before you say it.  You could be reading the situation wrong, you may have bad information, you may be misinformed.  Always default to keeping you mouth shut if you are not sure what to do.

Remember that you are a leader.  Others are watching you and learning from you- both good and bad.  Character and integrity are time sensitive.  They take a long time to gain yet they can be lost in an instant.  Don’t loose something that you will really regret later.  If you are uneasy about the conversation, then you know you should not participate.  Stay out of it.  Go find your entertainment elsewhere!     

So what do you think?  Do you find that you get “roped in” sometimes?  Do you have some tricks to avoiding gossip?  Click on “Comments” and share or hit “Like” if you agree!