What your husband wants for Father’s Day!

Tis the season for new barbeque grills, golf balls and fishing poles!  So what do you have planned for Father’s Day?  Some men are kind of tough to buy for, but most guys are pretty open about what they like.  Although this celebration is really about the kids getting their Dad something special, what do you think husbands would like from their wives for Father’s Day?

They want their wife back!

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In the midst of all of the diapers, laundry, and motherly duties, husbands can be neglected and forgotten.  Now I am not making light the duties or the value of being a great Mom, however, the normal day to day activities can leave your man in the dust. 

Women tend to pour themselves completely into motherhood.  They want the very best for their children.  They will literally do anything to be the very best mother.  There is nothing wrong with this in concept.  Husbands would tend to agree- they want their wives to be committed to nurturing and raising the very best children possible.  Somewhere in all the good intentions things get warped out of place.  The current societal expectation of mothering places an extreme amount of pressure on Moms.  They try so hard to keep up.  But how can you?  You have to have your kid’s in multiple activities, buy them all the newest clothes and gadgets, take them to all the new movies and places, keep your house clean, cook customized dinners for each child, be a constant taxi cab driver, have all the answers to the tough questions, be a money tree, and be a cool parent all at the same time.  Is it possible?  Really?

Somewhere in this struggle is your husband.  Now you may be thinking- well, there is the problem– but really is he the problem?  Regardless of his participation in the family duties- you’re still exhausted.  He is probably getting the leftovers- whatever you have left after the kids.  Is that the way it should be?  Maybe it’s time to review things and slow down a bit.  Your kids will be OK if they are not in every activity.  It will be OK if the house is not perfect.  They will be OK staying home bored.  They will not explode.  Really.

Your husband wants you back.  The girl that he married.  I know you are thinking that things are different now- but they aren’t as different as you think.  He still loves you for who you are.  He still loves the things about you that are uniquely you!  Maybe tension and bickering has strained things a bit, however, it’s still there.  You just have to find it.  So what specifically does he want?  Here are some items.  Now this may vary wildly- this is just some common items- so don’t scream too loud if I get your situation entirely wrong:

  1. Have Fun!  Inside every man is a boy.  I’m sure that some of you are thinking right now that you would say that you are still looking for the man!  But truly- men like to have fun and this is often involves activities and getting out of the house.  Think back to your courtship. What did you used to do to have fun back when you were dating?  It may involve doing some outdoor activities that you really don’t like anymore.  Just remember your husband waiting outside the dressing room while you shop!  Get him outside or where you can have fun together.
  2. Initiate!  Don’t wait for him to come up with all the ideas to spend time together.  Surprise him with a weekend away or a night out on the town.  He may be a bit shocked and caught off guard the first time this happens but he won’t be the next time.  Listen to him for things that he wants to do and see.  Write them down and do your planning and make it happen.  Yes, he should be doing this too, however, don’t be afraid to take the lead sometimes.  You should both be seeking time alone together.
  3. Get Intimate!  OK- I know you are tired, but this is important.  By withholding yourself you are asking for trouble.  Men are different than women.  They value things differently.  Don’t withhold yourself as a prize for good behavior.  A healthy physical relationship will strengthen your overall relationship.  You are still very attractive to your husband.  Don’t make excuses.  It’s only a few minutes of your life.  You can do it.
  4. Encourage Him!  Tell him how much you appreciate what he does for you and your family.  Don’t do this once a year on Father’s Day.   Brag on him a bit to your friends.  He needs respect and approval.  He is not an idiot.  Don’t treat him like one of your children.  Yes- he is different- way different than you.  Celebrate what he is good at.  Be specific and tell him what you love about him.  He needs to hear it from you!      

 Another problem with trying to be Super Mom is that your entire identity gets wrapped up in being a Mom.  This is fine until your kids are grown and gone.  What do you do now?  Continue to hover?  If you lose your identity as a wife and woman, this transition back will be extremely difficult.  Your focus will naturally have to shift back to your husband, your activities, and possibly your career.  Will you be ready when your nest is empty?

I am sure that some of you are saying that I am truly full of it and that I don’t know your particular situation.  You are right.  I don’t know your situation but I think there is a nugget or two in here for everyone.      

I do know this.  You have to fight for your marriage.  You have to fight against the dysfunctional societal expectations.  You must fight to make your relationship with your husband a top priority or the two of you will likely fail. 

So, get in your way-back-machine and remember the things that you used to do as a couple that was really special.  Reconnect with the girl that is still in you.  Lighten up and have a little fun.  I guarantee your marriage will be strengthened and your kids will be fine.  Are you ready?  

Tell me what you think!  Don’t be a stealth reader!  Click on comments below!   

The Seed Vault

I watched a fascinating story last week about a seed vault in Norway that stores seeds from all over the world in case of a global disaster.  The Svalbard Global Seed Vault is located on an island off the coast of Norway, near the Arctic Circle in an old coal mine.  The seed vault is located 390 ft inside of a mountain and is 430 feet above sea level, so that even if the polar ice caps melt the seeds will stay dry.  The structure is impressive, and the design takes into account global and cataclysmic disasters- saving the seeds to help reestablish food sources after an extinction-type disaster.

Svalbard Seed Vault- Wikipedia Photo

So I can get my arms around this- I’m a builder.  Make it tough and high and strong.  Build a fortress to save the seeds!  I get it- but this is the part that is truly amazing.

The seeds are kept at the optimal temperature for long term storage- zero degrees Fahrenheit.  Seems like they would eventually freeze and die- right?  How could they still be alive at zero degrees for more than a winter or two?  Well, not only will they live for a few winters, the seeds can be stored for hundreds and in some cases even thousands of years.  At zero degrees!  Forget the fancy building- that is truly amazing!

Seeds are the source of life.   They are extremely resilient- they have a distinct purpose.  They wait for the right conditions- warmth, soil, water and then do the miraculous.  A single seed is designed to yield much more than itself.  To grow and multiply- to do the extraordinary.  Is there a seed within you that is waiting to come to life?

Spring is here and the yearly winter slumber is coming to an end.   Take heart- your seed is still alive.  What do you have that you want to grow?

-Maybe it’s the education that you have always put off…

-Maybe it’s restoring a lost relationship…

-Maybe it’s a business or career goal…

-Maybe it’s volunteering or serving the less fortunate…

-Maybe it’s learning to play the piano…

-Maybe it’s the exercise program…

There is a seed in all of us that longs to burst through the warm ground of spring.  This is a great time to start something new, take a chance, and get out of the old routine.  Each year starts new and fresh- it’s God’s plan.

What can you start this year?  It’s not too late- your seed is alive!  Just awaken it from its slumber!

Don’t be a stealth reader!- click on comment and tell me what you think!

The Divided States

I am reading a book titled “The Miracle of Freedom” where the authors Chris and Ted Stewart discuss the relative rarity of a free society.  In the book, they point to seven events that they refer to as “tipping points” that led to the birth of the United States and the growth of freedom and democracy throughout the world.  These tipping points are major historical events that changed history by stopping the spread of tyranny providing fertile ground for the growth of liberty.

Asheville, NC

The beginning of the book discusses the relative few people from the beginning of civilization that have lived in freedom.  The author’s estimate that around 500 billion people have lived on Earth since the beginning, and of that figure, only about 5 billion have lived in freedom.  That’s only 5% of the civilized societies since the beginning of civilization.  And the majority of the 5% have lived in the last couple of centuries!  The author’s also share some chilling short story descriptions of what life has been like in other societies over time outside of the blessing of freedom.

The union of the United States is very special and rare among civilized societies.  Additionally, the United States has also been a model for many other counties in their quest for freedom, and a catalyst for positive change in the world.  I believe that we take our freedom for granted.  We are often quick to criticize our government and legislators and expect them to solve systemic problems that cannot be solved by government.  As leaders in our homes and workplaces, we need to be very careful not to join in caustic and polarizing political debate.  This type of debate threatens to tear our Union apart.  As evidenced by the authors above, this country is unique and special and needs to be protected by the people who are to govern and lead this country.  Certainly there must be some common ground that we can agree on?  The current polarization of the country will not lead to anything but continued bitterness and division.

What can we do as leaders?  Do we completely avoid political discussion and debate?  I don’t believe that we should resort to being silent.  There is a way to have a proper debate and discussion.  Here are three points to remember:

  1. Consider The Other Side.  There are always at least two sides to every issue.  We should not immediately dismiss the argument that is contrary to our typical thinking.  There is generally some common ground that can start a constructive dialogue.
  2. Retain Respect.  Refrain from name calling and using superlative descriptions such as never, won’t, always, can’t etc.  Work to keep the discussion going by maintaining civility and respect.
  3. Be Realistic.   Don’t expect that you will get everything that you want.  Be willing to compromise and negotiate in order to reach an agreement.  Avoid all or nothing propositions.

By demonstrating positive debate and effective negotiation, you are modeling a willingness to compromise and join together to solve problems instead of the divisive discourse that we have been witnessing for the last few years.  We have something very, very special in the United States.  We should be proud of our country and what it stands for in the world.  The goal should be to strengthen our union, not divide and isolate.  As leaders, we need to work together to encourage constructive debate so we can move forward and work together to strengthen our rare and special Union!

What do you think?  PLEASE COMMENT BELOW!

Now This Is Service!

This is an video from a few years back- it’s a great lesson on customer service to share with your group.  Really speaks to what it takes to go the extra mile! 

I encourage you to think about your customers and what you could do to make the experience of doing business with you truly memorable!  Enjoy!

Click on title below- you will redirect to You Tube!

Amazing Customer Service