What Your Wife Really Wants For Valentines Day!

Oh, yes! It’s that time again! Time for the red cards, chocolates, and roses. Valentines Day is a special time to tell your loved one that you really care. A time to celebrate love and romance. For some men, this can be a bit frightening. Getting just the right gift is really hard. You may need to have a sixth sense when it comes to women. I think most ladies don’t think much of the traditional gifts. She wants more than a box of chocolates or pretty flowers.

An array of Valentine's Day-connotated candy d...

She wants her boyfriend back!

Somewhere in the midst of building the family and the career, being a Dad and a Husband, and providing a safe and secure environment, the knight in shining armor gets a bit tarnished. Men will slip into the leader role at work and bring it home and miss the tenderness needed to continue to grow in their relationship with their wives. Wives want more than a family leader. They want friendship.  They want closeness.  They want to go deeper. They want your heart.

Remember when you were dating? What were the things that you liked to do together? This is what she wants. This is what she needs. Can’t remember very well? Let me help you a bit.

We Would Talk For Hours…. Remember those conversations? You would share your dreams, your goals, your passions. The time would fly by. You talked about your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, what you loved, what you hated. Fast forward. Now it’s often three word sentences. “Can you pick up some milk?” A quick OK, a nod, a grunt. Is this communicating? Not even close. Guys, she needs this. It’s knit in her being. She has to hear from you. She needs to talk things out. this is how she deals with stress. This is how she will stay glued to you. Stop communicating with her and she will loose the bond. Share your deep stuff with her. She needs it. I promise.

We Did Everything Together… It didn’t matter what you were doing, you loved to do it together. Even doing dishes was fun! Remember? Guys, you need look for opportunities to spend time with your wives. It’s really about getting creative and maybe about doing something you don’t really care to do. Go to the grocery store or head to the mall and go shopping with her! If you are not intentional, it won’t happen!

We Held Hands Everywhere We Went… How long has it been since you held your wife’s hand? Are you struggling getting physical with your wife? This can really vary by the particular woman, but many are starving for physical contact. This may or may not involve “going all the way”. I know some woman would love to get the back rub at night and have it stop at that! You know what she wants. She needs to feel your touch.

We Were Out On Dates Every Weekend… Are you planning date nights with you wife? This is a super important way for you to help her get away from the house and the kids and plug back into your relationship. These date nights don’t have to be spectacular events. The only requirement is that you are alone with her. No double dates. Just the two of you spending time together. Get the babysitter. I can tell you first hand that it will be the best money that you can spend for your relationship. Plan these dates nights! They will not magically happen by themselves.

We Would Laugh For Hours… Do you have fun with your wife or is your marriage based on the family “job”? Raising a family and keeping up with all the expectations is exhausting. Having fun can leave the house along with your energy. Don’t take everything so seriously. I can tell you the exhaustion of life can leave you analyzing every word that comes from your wife. Don’t take everything to heart. Learn to lighten up the situation. Remember how you used to make her laugh? You need to reconnect with this! It may save your marriage. Saying something insensitive is not the end of the world . Truth is, it’s most likely your pride that is the problem!

We Would Take Long Walks On The Beach… We’ll if you don’t live on the ocean, a trip around the block in the evening is a great second option. Steal a few minutes away. Talk about your day. Let her talk and you listen. If she’s been with the kids all day, she’s probably just about ready to explode. She needs some adult talk! Help her out.

We Would Surprise Each Other With Little Gifts… If she likes clothes, bring some home sometimes when it’s not her birthday or other event. She will be shocked and will ask you if you got hit really hard on the head! Plan a weekend and take her away. Send the kids to the in-laws and and do a weekend at home. Do something to surprise her. She needs the change and the romance.

I’m sure there are many more that you can think of. Things that made your relationship special. The stuff that brought you together. The bottom line is this: she still needs you to pursue her. She needs to feel desired. You know the wedding cake joke? Well this is the male version! Yes, she’s yours, but she needs more than safety and security. If not, she could have stayed at home with her Dad! She needs to reconnect with you and it takes time and intentionality. If you spent time on this like you work on your golf swing, your front lawn, or your fantasy football league I’m sure there would be no issues.

Reconnect with you sweetheart! She needs you!

What do you think? Are you being intentional about you relationship with you wife? Wake up call or full of you know what? Let me know by clicking on comments and giving me your view!

What your husband wants for Father’s Day!

Tis the season for new barbeque grills, golf balls and fishing poles!  So what do you have planned for Father’s Day?  Some men are kind of tough to buy for, but most guys are pretty open about what they like.  Although this celebration is really about the kids getting their Dad something special, what do you think husbands would like from their wives for Father’s Day?

They want their wife back!

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In the midst of all of the diapers, laundry, and motherly duties, husbands can be neglected and forgotten.  Now I am not making light the duties or the value of being a great Mom, however, the normal day to day activities can leave your man in the dust. 

Women tend to pour themselves completely into motherhood.  They want the very best for their children.  They will literally do anything to be the very best mother.  There is nothing wrong with this in concept.  Husbands would tend to agree- they want their wives to be committed to nurturing and raising the very best children possible.  Somewhere in all the good intentions things get warped out of place.  The current societal expectation of mothering places an extreme amount of pressure on Moms.  They try so hard to keep up.  But how can you?  You have to have your kid’s in multiple activities, buy them all the newest clothes and gadgets, take them to all the new movies and places, keep your house clean, cook customized dinners for each child, be a constant taxi cab driver, have all the answers to the tough questions, be a money tree, and be a cool parent all at the same time.  Is it possible?  Really?

Somewhere in this struggle is your husband.  Now you may be thinking- well, there is the problem– but really is he the problem?  Regardless of his participation in the family duties- you’re still exhausted.  He is probably getting the leftovers- whatever you have left after the kids.  Is that the way it should be?  Maybe it’s time to review things and slow down a bit.  Your kids will be OK if they are not in every activity.  It will be OK if the house is not perfect.  They will be OK staying home bored.  They will not explode.  Really.

Your husband wants you back.  The girl that he married.  I know you are thinking that things are different now- but they aren’t as different as you think.  He still loves you for who you are.  He still loves the things about you that are uniquely you!  Maybe tension and bickering has strained things a bit, however, it’s still there.  You just have to find it.  So what specifically does he want?  Here are some items.  Now this may vary wildly- this is just some common items- so don’t scream too loud if I get your situation entirely wrong:

  1. Have Fun!  Inside every man is a boy.  I’m sure that some of you are thinking right now that you would say that you are still looking for the man!  But truly- men like to have fun and this is often involves activities and getting out of the house.  Think back to your courtship. What did you used to do to have fun back when you were dating?  It may involve doing some outdoor activities that you really don’t like anymore.  Just remember your husband waiting outside the dressing room while you shop!  Get him outside or where you can have fun together.
  2. Initiate!  Don’t wait for him to come up with all the ideas to spend time together.  Surprise him with a weekend away or a night out on the town.  He may be a bit shocked and caught off guard the first time this happens but he won’t be the next time.  Listen to him for things that he wants to do and see.  Write them down and do your planning and make it happen.  Yes, he should be doing this too, however, don’t be afraid to take the lead sometimes.  You should both be seeking time alone together.
  3. Get Intimate!  OK- I know you are tired, but this is important.  By withholding yourself you are asking for trouble.  Men are different than women.  They value things differently.  Don’t withhold yourself as a prize for good behavior.  A healthy physical relationship will strengthen your overall relationship.  You are still very attractive to your husband.  Don’t make excuses.  It’s only a few minutes of your life.  You can do it.
  4. Encourage Him!  Tell him how much you appreciate what he does for you and your family.  Don’t do this once a year on Father’s Day.   Brag on him a bit to your friends.  He needs respect and approval.  He is not an idiot.  Don’t treat him like one of your children.  Yes- he is different- way different than you.  Celebrate what he is good at.  Be specific and tell him what you love about him.  He needs to hear it from you!      

 Another problem with trying to be Super Mom is that your entire identity gets wrapped up in being a Mom.  This is fine until your kids are grown and gone.  What do you do now?  Continue to hover?  If you lose your identity as a wife and woman, this transition back will be extremely difficult.  Your focus will naturally have to shift back to your husband, your activities, and possibly your career.  Will you be ready when your nest is empty?

I am sure that some of you are saying that I am truly full of it and that I don’t know your particular situation.  You are right.  I don’t know your situation but I think there is a nugget or two in here for everyone.      

I do know this.  You have to fight for your marriage.  You have to fight against the dysfunctional societal expectations.  You must fight to make your relationship with your husband a top priority or the two of you will likely fail. 

So, get in your way-back-machine and remember the things that you used to do as a couple that was really special.  Reconnect with the girl that is still in you.  Lighten up and have a little fun.  I guarantee your marriage will be strengthened and your kids will be fine.  Are you ready?  

Tell me what you think!  Don’t be a stealth reader!  Click on comments below!