Have you ever had to suffer through a boring banquet? The kind of event where you listen to someone blow their horn and share statistics and personal accomplishments-
Sales increased 150%!
My new product line was a huge success!
My products have entered the European market!
Revenue increased 83%!
Numbers, dollars, percentages. All great things when measuring your business. Measurements and statistics are an important way of judging your effectiveness and efficiency. And let’s face it- we need success and money in business and making money in itself is not a bad thing.
But it makes for a boring banquet! Numbers, charts, graphs, yawn… And it’s not really measuring life- is it?
Contrast this with this true story banquet-
My son recently attended an 80th birthday party for a business partner and friend named John. Now this was a pretty lavish affair held at the Ritz Carlton and included friends and family that flew in from all over the country. The ballroom was fancy, and the food and music was great- but that was not the amazing part of the evening.
The highlight of the banquet was the stories that were shared by family and friends about the way that John touched their lives and made them better. Stories of how he went out of his way and helped them get started in business. Stories of how he risked his own money to help them. Stories of a man who mentored and served others without obligation. Stories of a man with an amazing heart and the capacity and courage to lift others up.
One by one, the stage was occupied by family and friends who shared true stories of how John changed their lives.
No list of personal accomplishments.
No inventory of things earned or gathered.
Just stories of changed lives. Many of which were not family members. Just folks that John met along the way, providing confidence and resources to get them started on the path to success.
These kind of stories are never boring. This is the story of a person who truly serves. Who understands that living a life of success really provides a responsibility to serve others. It’s not about accumulating stuff, money and personal accomplishment. Or maybe this might be your banquet?
I broke the 8 handicap on the golf course or I caught a 200 pound tuna or a 12 point buck.
I made a million dollars in the stock market and bought a vacation home in the mountains.
I travelled around the world twice.
In my industry, I was the greatest….
All fine and admirable accomplishments- but they make for a boring and self-centered story. Could you see others taking the stage and sharing how you touched their lives or would your story be about your personal statistics? To avoid the boring banquet concentrate on giving and leading with your heart and learn to forget the numbers. Focus on what is really important and eternal. Focus on leaving a legacy of love. And this way, your banquet will be AMAZING!
So what do you think about this- did it get you thinking? Or am I way off on this one? Don’t be a stealth reader- Let me know what you think! Click on leave a comment and share your thoughts!
Copyright © 2013. Leading by Serving- Leadership is for Everyone!. All rights reserved.
Oh, yes! It’s that time again! Time for the red cards, chocolates, and roses. Valentines Day is a special time to tell your loved one that you really care. A time to celebrate love and romance. For some men, this can be a bit frightening. Getting just the right gift is really hard. You may need to have a sixth sense when it comes to women. I think most ladies don’t think much of the traditional gifts. She wants more than a box of chocolates or pretty flowers.
She wants her boyfriend back!
Somewhere in the midst of building the family and the career, being a Dad and a Husband, and providing a safe and secure environment, the knight in shining armor gets a bit tarnished. Men will slip into the leader role at work and bring it home and miss the tenderness needed to continue to grow in their relationship with their wives. Wives want more than a family leader. They want friendship. They want closeness. They want to go deeper. They want your heart.
Remember when you were dating? What were the things that you liked to do together? This is what she wants. This is what she needs. Can’t remember very well? Let me help you a bit.
We Would Talk For Hours…. Remember those conversations? You would share your dreams, your goals, your passions. The time would fly by. You talked about your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, what you loved, what you hated. Fast forward. Now it’s often three word sentences. “Can you pick up some milk?” A quick OK, a nod, a grunt. Is this communicating? Not even close. Guys, she needs this. It’s knit in her being. She has to hear from you. She needs to talk things out. this is how she deals with stress. This is how she will stay glued to you. Stop communicating with her and she will loose the bond. Share your deep stuff with her. She needs it. I promise.
We Did Everything Together… It didn’t matter what you were doing, you loved to do it together. Even doing dishes was fun! Remember? Guys, you need look for opportunities to spend time with your wives. It’s really about getting creative and maybe about doing something you don’t really care to do. Go to the grocery store or head to the mall and go shopping with her! If you are not intentional, it won’t happen!
We Held Hands Everywhere We Went… How long has it been since you held your wife’s hand? Are you struggling getting physical with your wife? This can really vary by the particular woman, but many are starving for physical contact. This may or may not involve “going all the way”. I know some woman would love to get the back rub at night and have it stop at that! You know what she wants. She needs to feel your touch.
We Were Out On Dates Every Weekend… Are you planning date nights with you wife? This is a super important way for you to help her get away from the house and the kids and plug back into your relationship. These date nights don’t have to be spectacular events. The only requirement is that you are alone with her. No double dates. Just the two of you spending time together. Get the babysitter. I can tell you first hand that it will be the best money that you can spend for your relationship. Plan these dates nights! They will not magically happen by themselves.
We Would Laugh For Hours… Do you have fun with your wife or is your marriage based on the family “job”? Raising a family and keeping up with all the expectations is exhausting. Having fun can leave the house along with your energy. Don’t take everything so seriously. I can tell you the exhaustion of life can leave you analyzing every word that comes from your wife. Don’t take everything to heart. Learn to lighten up the situation. Remember how you used to make her laugh? You need to reconnect with this! It may save your marriage. Saying something insensitive is not the end of the world . Truth is, it’s most likely your pride that is the problem!
We Would Take Long Walks On The Beach… We’ll if you don’t live on the ocean, a trip around the block in the evening is a great second option. Steal a few minutes away. Talk about your day. Let her talk and you listen. If she’s been with the kids all day, she’s probably just about ready to explode. She needs some adult talk! Help her out.
We Would Surprise Each Other With Little Gifts… If she likes clothes, bring some home sometimes when it’s not her birthday or other event. She will be shocked and will ask you if you got hit really hard on the head! Plan a weekend and take her away. Send the kids to the in-laws and and do a weekend at home. Do something to surprise her. She needs the change and the romance.
I’m sure there are many more that you can think of. Things that made your relationship special. The stuff that brought you together. The bottom line is this: she still needs you to pursue her. She needs to feel desired. You know the wedding cake joke? Well this is the male version! Yes, she’s yours, but she needs more than safety and security. If not, she could have stayed at home with her Dad! She needs to reconnect with you and it takes time and intentionality. If you spent time on this like you work on your golf swing, your front lawn, or your fantasy football league I’m sure there would be no issues.
Reconnect with you sweetheart! She needs you!