It’s Not My Fault…

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When my daughter was in elementary school she learned a painful lesson.  She had a friend who forgot their permission slip to go on a class trip to an amusement park. This was the last day that the teacher would accept them.  To help her friend, my daughter signed her mom’s name to the permission slip and the teacher saw her do it.  Obviously the teacher was upset by this and punished my daughter by not allowing her to attend the class trip.

When she got home and told us the story, we were very upset with our daughter, but she was absolutely crushed.  This was her end of the year class trip and now she was not allowed to go.  We realized that we could ask the teacher to let her go and tell her that we would punish her for her actions.  Or we could have blamed the school, the teacher, the rules or anything else other than our daughter.  We could have told them that she was under a lot of stress.  That she was only trying to help.  That the school should have allowed more time.  We could have come up with a million excuses for her action.  But we didn’t do that.

We held her responsible for her actions and she was not allowed to go on the class trip.

Oh, how times have changed.  We live in a new age where no one is responsible for anything.  It’s not my fault.  I have problems.  I am disadvantaged.  I’m not responsible.  I forget things.  I’m distracted.  It’s not important to me.  I don’t care.  You should take care of it for me.  Your taking advantage of me.  Your being mean to me. I need more time.  I’ll do it later.  I’m not smart enough.  I can’t remember very well. I just can’t do it…  

We have created more reasons for not doing the right thing than to actually do the right thing. We coddle both young and old into thinking that there is always a way out.   You can talk and excuse your way out of everything.  We have raised a generation that believes that everything is not their fault and encouraged them to use excuses and negativity as a safety valve when they get caught up in a bad decision.  

While I believe we should be sympathetic and understanding to social barriers and personal situations, I believe its time to return to responsibility.  If you make a poor decision, then you should be held accountable for the decision and the ramifications.  We are raising our children and creating a society that believes that their is no defined right or wrong. How messed up is that?  My daughter grew up in the inventive spelling and participation trophy generation.  We don’t want to hurt their imagination or their feelings.  Suppressing responsibility and delaying the truth.  This results in a rude awakening when the real world kicks in.

We can all make reasonable excuses when bad things happen.  We all have a past, personality characteristics and flaws that we have to overcome.  Some situations are complex with many characters and lots of moving parts. Certainly there are countless opportunities to place blame on others. Yet the true leaders of the world understand that taking responsibility is an essential characteristic of leadership.  Making excuses does not make you strong- it makes you a weak leader.  Your team will not respect you if all you do is deflect and blame others.  Accept your past, your flaws, and your situation and overcome them!  

Stay positive and believe in yourself and you can fight through any situation.  Take the time to think before you act.  Seems simple- but we can be so impulsive and ruled by emotion.  Ask for advice if you are unsure.  Sleep on really tough decisions.  Don’t take unnecessary risks. Your integrity is a priceless jewel- don’t risk it.  And in the end, If you mess up or things go badly, take responsibility for the outcome.  This is not always easy but you will be better for it!

So what do you think? Are we living in an age of no responsibility? Do you think we need to own up to our failures and mistakes? Please let me know by pressing “Leave a Comment” and let me know what you think!

                    

Your Fooling Yourself!

Do we deceive ourselves into thinking that we ARE what we are NOT?

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The mind has a way of legitimizing and reinforcing our behavior. We think that our motivations are pure. We are acting in a righteous way.  For others.  Not ourselves.  We are selfless.  But is this really true?

We also have a way of running an interior narrative that reinforces this reality.  We can truly convince ourselves that we value something when the facts actually completely contradict this belief.  The complete opposite of what we think.

The difference is reality and reality is found in action. We will DO what is important to us.  You can’t fool action.  You can tell people that you value or care about something, but what are you doing about it?  If you are not acting it’s just talk.

Folks run their mouths about helping the poor and donate absolutely nothing. The environmentalist drives a Suburban. The wife says she loves her husband but spends more time talking to her girlfriends and keeping up her super mom image. The husband who says he is a devoted dad but spends his weekends playing golf.

Examine your action VERY carefully.  What do you do?  What are your actions?  Day in day out, what is your true motivation?  You may disguise it as altruist, charitable, for others- but is it really?  Often, its really all about you and what you truly care about.

The way that you look to others.
Your image.
Your reputation with others.

There is a passage in the Bible that talks about praying loudly on the corner and praying silently in a private place.  The public display is all about you.  You have received your reward.  The private display is the only pure motivation.

Is your action about the return?  Even what looks charitable or caring?  What I GET for my GIVE.  Will I get something in return for my actions?  Will people think i’m just so amazing for what I did?

You can fool yourself into thinking all of your actions are for others.  Pump yourself up. But you are lying to yourself.  Examine yourself closely.  Are you doing it for your image? Or for your pride!

Do it in private.  Do it for someone who doesn’t think you are amazing.  Do it for someone who doesn’t even show ANY appreciation for it.

If not- you might be simply fooling yourself!

So what do you think?  Do we tell ourselves a story that may be completely false?  Can we truly fool ourself?  Click on “Leave a Comment and tell me what you think!