Your Fooling Yourself!

Do we deceive ourselves into thinking that we ARE what we are NOT?

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The mind has a way of legitimizing and reinforcing our behavior. We think that our motivations are pure. We are acting in a righteous way.  For others.  Not ourselves.  We are selfless.  But is this really true?

We also have a way of running an interior narrative that reinforces this reality.  We can truly convince ourselves that we value something when the facts actually completely contradict this belief.  The complete opposite of what we think.

The difference is reality and reality is found in action. We will DO what is important to us.  You can’t fool action.  You can tell people that you value or care about something, but what are you doing about it?  If you are not acting it’s just talk.

Folks run their mouths about helping the poor and donate absolutely nothing. The environmentalist drives a Suburban. The wife says she loves her husband but spends more time talking to her girlfriends and keeping up her super mom image. The husband who says he is a devoted dad but spends his weekends playing golf.

Examine your action VERY carefully.  What do you do?  What are your actions?  Day in day out, what is your true motivation?  You may disguise it as altruist, charitable, for others- but is it really?  Often, its really all about you and what you truly care about.

The way that you look to others.
Your image.
Your reputation with others.

There is a passage in the Bible that talks about praying loudly on the corner and praying silently in a private place.  The public display is all about you.  You have received your reward.  The private display is the only pure motivation.

Is your action about the return?  Even what looks charitable or caring?  What I GET for my GIVE.  Will I get something in return for my actions?  Will people think i’m just so amazing for what I did?

You can fool yourself into thinking all of your actions are for others.  Pump yourself up. But you are lying to yourself.  Examine yourself closely.  Are you doing it for your image? Or for your pride!

Do it in private.  Do it for someone who doesn’t think you are amazing.  Do it for someone who doesn’t even show ANY appreciation for it.

If not- you might be simply fooling yourself!

So what do you think?  Do we tell ourselves a story that may be completely false?  Can we truly fool ourself?  Click on “Leave a Comment and tell me what you think!

Sour Cream

Bill is driving home from work when he gets a text from his wife Karen.  The text says- “Pick me up some sour cream on your way home- making Mom’s frosting for our dinner party tonight”.  Bill stops at the grocery store and hits the dairy aisle.  He reaches the sour cream and reviews things.  Humm…Regular, low fat or fat-free?  He knows that all they have is fat-free dressing in the house as Karen is dieting.  So he grabs the fat-free sour cream and heads home.  Bill feels good- he saved Karen a trip to the store.  Bill gets home and delivers the sour cream to Karen.   What happens next?  Karen looks at the package and says, “You idiot!  Why would you get fat-free sour cream?  Bill says sheepishly,” Well honey, everything we buy is fat-free.  Remember you are dieting.”  Karen fires back, “Not for frosting, what’s wrong with you?”  Bill is propelled back to feeling like a 10 year old boy being scolded by his mother.  He tried.  Yes, probably not well thought out as he looks back.  He should have called.  However, he was doing a good deed and his response was- you idiot!  Karen thinks, “How can this man lead his team at work?”  He can’t even accomplish simple tasks that I give him!  It’s a good thing that I am here or this whole family would fall apart.  Karen wishes she had a “good husband” so she wouldn’t have to do everything.

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So what’s going on here?  Is Bill really an idiot?  Is Bill really a poor husband and family leader?  The reality is that Bill leads a multi-million dollar division at work.  Bill is a leader at church.  Bill also leads a large charity organization.

This scenario is pretty common in the marriage relationship today.  Women feel that they have no choice but to lead their household as they see their husbands as weak, passive and poor leaders.  Men live in fear of their wives, who dominate the marriage relationship and to keep the peace, they slip securely into the second place position behind their wives.  But the most damaging aspect of this is the message that is sent to the children.

We are raising our boys to think that Mom is the boss.  They are not being trained to be leaders in the family.  They see Dad as a doormat.

We are raising our girls to be independent and dominant which will perpetuate this friction in the marriage relationship.  I think we also do this as a means to protect our girls.  Make them stronger.  Make them be able to take care of themselves.

What we are doing is setting them up to make them miserable.

Dependency is not always a bad thing.  In the marriage relationship, you have to rely on your spouse to take care of things for you.  By taking responsibilities from your husband you are taking away a part of the core of what it is to be a man.  He needs to protect, guide and provide for his family.  He needs to lead his family.  It is in his DNA.  It’s by design.

Ladies- Take your hands off the wheel and trust that things will work out.  Relieve yourself of the pressure to control and plan everything.  Realize that chasing perfection and putting pressure on everyone around you is not healthy.

If you want a leader in your house, it may be time to step back and let him lead.  Your husband is not an idiot- you are likely legitimizing your poor behavior and your desire for control.  Realize that he may be so unaccustomed to leading, that it will likely take some time for him to properly step into the role.  You will be tempted to jump back in.  But just wait.  Give him time and encourage him to lead.  What you will gain will be the peace that comes from the surrender of the burden of trying to do it all yourself.  Your life will be better- I promise!

If you would like more help in this area please visit the website http://www.peacefulwife.com.  This site averages about 5,000 views every day from women all over the world seeking to let go!

I am an equal opportunity offender! A follow up to this focusing on men’s marital relationship issues will follow in a few weeks.  Stay tuned!

So what do you think?  Are we reversing roles in the marriage relationship?  Are you struggling to do everything yourself?  Please click on “leave a comment” and let me know what you think!

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